Uranium contamination in water? Have some molasses. Molasses?

And now, onto the unbearable sweetness of radioactive water like chocolate flowing into Colorado’s Ralston Reservoir, which is one source of drinking water for many humans in the Denver metro area.  Yes, our trustworthy friends in the extraction industries have sweetened our lives yet again with this tale of how they plan to fix the small mater of radioactive water mixing with thirsty humans.

Molasses. The AP tells us water indulgent brats that molasses is how Cotter Corp is gonna fix the little issue of ” as high as 24,000 parts per billion” of uranium in the water that is pooling in a mine. (Those pesky federal regulator types have set the standard for drinking water at 30 ppb.) The water is feeding into a basin that feeds Ralston Creek, which in turn helps fill Denver Water’s Ralston Reservoir, a reserve from which over 1.3 million people sip, gulp, and bathe.

What AP did not tell us is how sticky sweet stuff will fix this.

Now some of you might know that ol attila is a fair hand in the kitchen and maybe some even know she has spent decades culling tidbits of knowledge about the pharmaceuticals known as food. But attila is flummoxed about how molasses takes the beep beep beep out of the Geiger counter on the kitchen counter, next to the faucet.

Sure, molasses is heavy and dense. I could see it sinking to the bottom of the pooling water in the mine, creek, even the reservoir, if they add enough, but there is much googling to be done before I grasp the finer points of how gingerbread ingredient saves Denver. But hey, maybe it really works. And maybe the fracking for oil and gas coming to my area won’t really contaminate the aquifers here in this vast northern desert where water is more precious than people want to acknowledge.

If it really works, buy stock in Grandma’s Molasses or that Briar Rabbit brand of same. If this works, Japan will be buying a lot of sticky brown syrup for that unfortunate nuclear power plant that well-meaning capitalists put next to the beach on an island known for, and formed by, violent movements of the earth.

If this works, perhaps Glenn Beck will stop hocking gold and chatting with people advocating returning to the gold standard. Maybe, just maybe, world economies will get around to going on the cookie standard, as attila advocated way back on graduation day from high school. Yes, back when she and her giddy classmates were making plans for how they would change the world and when Brian Whatshizname said he would be President. Brian was looking for a cabinet from among our ranks that day. I got pegged for SecTreas for my plan to go onto the cookie standard as a monetary exchange. My reasoning was cookies made as much sense as colored paper or gold, and if inflation got too far out of hand and food prices rose too high, working people could always eat the money.

Molasses, some corporation is gonna try to fix the disaster that run amok capitalism has wrought upon the water drinkers of metro Denver with molasses.

We the People are in some serious, sticky brown substance these days.

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. KB723
    Mar 30, 2013 @ 13:46:20

    Odd how they never mention where this Uranium is coming from, my Best Guess would be the old Rocky Flats … 😈

    Reply

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