Please don’t sqeeze the Charmin and how we argue is a metaphor for teh stoopid

So, there’s this invention that needs to be made. Well, it’s more of a modification than invention, but it does need to get figured out and put into production. While the thing probably won’t bring about world peace, solve the issue of providing clean energy for the masses, or even explain who put the bop in the bop-shoo-bop-bop, it has merit and a place in our society. What I am talking about here will revolutionize the way we provide an essential product to users, who happen to be every man, woman, and child beyond the age of potty training. Folks, we are talking toilet paper dispenser here.

Probably since the first indoor flusher got stopped up by the too wide pages of that catalog Misters Sears & Roebuck sent to American households, there has been a bone of contention, an issue of division, a pain in the butts of families across this great land of ours. And this divisive issue spread from the privacy of individual households into the workplace where it hampers workplace morale to the point of causing periodic disruptions in productivity. Yes, this invention, or modification, solves the old problem of over-the-roll or under-the-roll, or who the hell cares so long as there is toilet paper on the roll when one needs a swipe of soft yet strong ass-wipe.

Someone near and dear to me was musing on a huge inter-office row that evolved into days of bickering, mocking, hurt feelings, feuding, and has still gone unresolved and a source of tension, derision, hard feelings, and general potty mouth sniping of the people on two sides of this non-issue tissue issue. Why, the very fact that one part of this three-way dispute does not see that the directional flow of soft but sturdy two-ply butt buff as an issue worthy of concern, let alone debate, is enough to set off both the over the roll and the under the roll factions. Petty or not, this is some serious shit.

Enough! Enough, I say. This is America. We are Americans. We are the people who tamed a vast and wild continent, wiping out whole nations of other peoples who were already doing just fine. This is the nation that not only won world wars, saving the status quo for the Haves in Europe, so that freedom and business could thrive, if marketed properly and subsidized lavishly. This over/under/who-give’s-a-rat’s-butt conflict is something we can, and must solve.

Yes, friends, we’ve got trouble! We’ve got terrible trouble, right here in River City. Wait, that’s a whole different story.

Yes, friends, we’ve got inventiveness. We’ve got drive, and we have mad skills. We’ve even got some small pockets where some few products are still made right here in the US of A, even if a lot of those pockets are in private, for profit prisons. We can do this. We should do this. And by the God who didn’t have a hand in the creation of this nation, we must do this.

Ball socket, rotating toilet paper roll hangers! It will revolutionize how Americans confront the matter of wiping their asses. Ball socket, rotating paper roll hangers will allow for toilet paper rolls to be turned to either the over or the under positions, thereby making it possible for the insanely easy to fluster user to simply lift and turn the entire apparatus so the paper hangs in accordance with their personal, but strongly held, opinion of how ass-wipe should be presented. Done are the marital disputes over this horrendous divide. Over are the workplace feuds and fury over why the other people are just plain wrong about this huge bottleneck to team spirit and productivity.

Basically, it would work like this, and your humble inventor apologizes for both her failure at drafting and the lack of a rendering program to illustrate such a thing, instead of a screw to hold a basic paper roller to the wall, in would be an inset ball and socket device which would allow for lifting the roll away from the wall and simply flipping it over so that the direction of toilet paper roll-out would be more pleasing to the user.

OK, perhaps some of you have trouble with the envisioning step required here. Let me try to verbally illustrate the concept another way. Y’all know about trailer hitches? The ball is on the backside of the truck and the socket is on the front end of the trailer. The socket is loose enough to allow for movement over the ball, which allows for some mobility in the direction of the trailer, making cornering a bit easier. Well, picture the ball as a much smaller piece of hardware that is on the end of a screw that goes into the wall. The socket is, well, a socket that fits over the ball snug enough to stay on, but with enough play to allow it to slide around the ball, both side to side and up/down. Now instead of a big ol chunk of metal joining the socket to a big ol trailer, we have a smaller chunk of metal that has, threaded through it, a firm, but flexible spanning frame that holds the spring-loaded wooden toilet paper roller.

Still having trouble with the vision thing? OK, forget trying to take a big thing and see it much smaller, and picture a pickup truck (the wall) with a ball hitch, only one that faces directly backwards rather than the up position generally used for such devices (that would be the screw head, set into the wall adjacent to the crapper.) attached to a socket (the trailer hitch, this time facing frontwards rather than down, like in a real trailer) and then, in your mind’s eye, just lift that ol horse trailer off the ground far enough to flip that sucker over so the horses are all on their heads with their feet up in the air. Yeah, see, like that. Only without horses being harmed, because we’re actually flipping a four and a half-inch roll of paper rather than a metal box full of Mr. Ed.

Oh crap. The spousal unit just pointed out that my complicated any lift/flip apparatus, complete with spinning horse trailer analogy isn’t needed at all. What is needed is a simple hinge bracket mounted on the wall, and an L-shaped bit of metal, long end for the roll of TP and the short end past the bend for the bracket on the wall. Want the paper roll to go over, turn to this way. Want it to go under, turn it to the other side.

Peace may not break out all over the world or even in most households and workplaces, but we all would have one less surrogate issue to use as the whipping boy for the real issues that simmer like pots of demons in the back recesses of our well insulated psyches. Now tell those office wanks and skanks to just STFU and put the roll however the frack they want it then get back to doing what it is they are supposed to do.


Et tu, Mrs Newt Past Tense? Fury of woman scorned to rid GOP of reptilian pest?

Are the GOP Powers That Be  tired of watching the battle> Do they just want to sew up the nomination for Mitt before he gets more battered?  Are they bringing out the big gun? Newt’s ex interview coming up on ABC?

Disclaimer: Drudge Report reporting about this, so who knows, but the lady does have dirt on the newt and she evidently did spend a couple of hours at an ABC studio. And Drudge was right a couple of times.

Anyway, per TPM:


Marianne Gingrich recently spoke to ABC News reporter Brian Ross for two hours about her tumultuous relationship with Newt Gingrich. There’s no clear word yet on the specific details she recounted. But The Daily Beast’s Howard Kurtz reports that Marianne didn’t reveal anything in the interview that she hasn’t already said, especially in an August 2010 interview with Esquire. ABC has announced it will air the interview at 11:35 PM eastern Thursday evening.

It’s worth recalling that Marianne dished to Esquire in August 2010 about her ex-husband’s money woes, philandering and meltdown after the collapse of his career in the late 1990s. In short: for a TV interview, she would have a lot of material to work with.


ROFL. The newt is about to be toast. If prairie oysters are bison balls  and mountain oysters are the tender bits from nutting calves, what do you call the roasted naughty bits of a newt?

While I am all for wronged wives warning others about lack of ethical standards of philandering exes who happen to be seeking public office,  the timing is curious. M-Rom is beginning to look the worse for wear lately. Keeping his arrogance and temper on a leash is harder than clearing brush and the boy is showing signs of stress. TPTB in the GOP know their puppet de jour is in need of some down time, maybe a vacation to some pleasant island to fondle his cash stash or something.

The newt can match M-Rom for both temper and arrogance and  it seems the little puffer fish just will not take orders to stand down.  Nothing like a wronged woman going public (again) with some righteous, if possibly paid for, indignation and facts about just what kind of values Newt really has.

Don’t know ’bout you, but I will be making popcorn and popping open a cold beverage to go with this can of worms.

Wait, there is no evidence that Rick Santorum does not have a sex dungeon?

Geeze, ya spend some times outdoors, enjoying unseasonable weather, and miss all the internet ruckus about a serious question?  With pressing issues like whether or not one of the compulsive LGBT- bashing presidential wannabee has a sex dungeon, maybe Attila the Blond needs some sort of internet umbilical cord mobile device after all. Carrier pigeons are not keeping up while we are out doing marches and stuff.

I have a basement I could rent Santorum  if he needs to relocate his  kink hide-away owing to all the press this seems to have garnered. Oh, wait, that would mean possible encounters on laundry day.  Never mind.

Did anybody hear if there was verification of the possibility that Michele Bachmann and Ron Paul may of  been seen  canoodling in the House cloak room on several occasions in the past?

How about that speculation that M-Ron is actually a creation of the Disney Corporation?

Some people say Newt is still a reptile.

Is it true that some scientists theorize those dead blackbirds in Arkansas were shot out of the sky by Rick Perry’s stray bullets? You have to wonder if there is any sort of grant available for a study.

This is fun. Maybe I could get a job as a reporter for FOX News?

Remember GOP candidate(s) claiming the government FORCED banks to make bad mortgage loans? Well: Whistleblowers were ignored, punished by lenders for calling foul on lender fraud

’twas greedy lenders, engaging in fraud, not the government, ‘forcing’ loans on unqualified people. And the bastards punished anybody with ethical standards and the morals to point out the problems.

From linked article:

“Most of the workers who claimed they were punished for trying to fight fraud worked at giant firms such as Wells Fargo or Washington Mutual (WaMu). Others worked at smaller lenders that joined the rush to sell home loans during the boom years.

Wherever they worked, their accounts are similar. Many claim that commission-hungry workers falsified loan applicants’ incomes and bank statements, pushed appraisers to exaggerate property values and, in some instances, forged consumers’ signatures on documents.”

Since I knew some people who used to be in the lending and loan servicing industry back 20 years ago through well, now,  I have heard the same stories. Those whose jobs were to prevent internal fraud and assure their companies were always on the right side of regulations and laws got nothing bur grief and/or unemployment for their efforts. Rules? Regs? Laws? No no no, that is not what we hired you to follow! We hired you to give the impression that the company was alert and diligent to issues of fraud. We did not hire you to actually find and report on fraud!

Well, it wasn’t just local, not just in my little circle of friends.

From linked article:

” …
Parmer isn’t alone in claiming she was punished for objecting to fraud in the midst of the nation’s home-loan boom. iWatch News has identified 63 former employees at 20 financial institutions who say they were fired or demoted for reporting fraud or refusing to commit fraud. Their stories were disclosed in whistleblower claims with the U.S. Department of Labor, court documents or interviews with iWatch News.

“We did our jobs. We had integrity,” said Ed Parker, former fraud investigations manager at now-defunct Ameriquest Mortgage Co., a leading subprime lender. “But we were not welcome because we affected the bottom line.”

These ex-employees’ accounts provide evidence that the muzzling of whistleblowers played an important role in allowing corruption to flourish as mortgage lenders and their patrons on Wall Street pumped up loan volume and profits. Codes of silence at many lenders, former employees claim, helped discourage media, regulators and policymakers from taking a hard look at illegal practices that ultimately harmed borrowers, investors and the economy.”

Yep. Heard it more than a couple of times while letting disillusioned (and unemployed) friends vent.

Here is the real lead:

“Whistleblower advocates say weak federal and state laws also helped prevent finance industry workers from being heard. Congress passed tougher laws in the wake of the financial crisis, but whistleblowers and their advocates say labor-law enforcers, securities-law cops and banking regulators need to do more to ensure that banking workers can safely report fraud and other abuses.

Yep, those lobbyists and ‘historians’ sure did a lot to insure government ‘forced banks to lend money to people who didn’t qualify’ by buying pols who would squelch regulatory enforcement and/or ease the regulations all together. When the lobbyists are the ones with our reps ears, or the ones writing the damned legislation for that matter, things will go horribly wrong. After things go horribly wrong, they will blame ‘the government’ (that did just what they wanted) for it all. Oddly, the very same pols who were ‘the government’ at the time problems were created/allowed, campaign on the blame the government platform.

One holds a glimmer of hope, watching the various Occupy protests, that more and more of the 99% are holding the right people accountable.

 This is essential to grasp:

“In many cases, the former employees say, management encouraged the fraud and protected the fraudsters.”

Yep, I ALWAYS heard that for a time just before whistle blowing acquaintances were given so much grief at work, for months, that they quit or were ‘laid off’ when the pressure didn’t break them.

“Most of the workers who claimed they were punished for trying to fight fraud worked at giant firms such as Wells Fargo or Washington Mutual (WaMu). Others worked at smaller lenders that joined the rush to sell home loans during the boom years.

Wherever they worked, their accounts are similar. Many claim that commission-hungry workers falsified loan applicants’ incomes and bank statements, pushed appraisers to exaggerate property values and, in some instances, forged consumers’ signatures on documents.”

Oh, I heard that complaint a time or 12.

People tend to think about the 90s and 2000s when they think about this sort of fraud. But the genesis came before those years .

80s, Reagan, ‘greed is good’ and throw in some fairly new programs to help lower-income people get into homes (HUD was becoming big) Only those programs did not get enough lower-income people to qualify to suit the greedy banks and commission paid ‘loan officers’ who really were just mortgage SALESMEN, so they all started to fudge the rules. Since they got away with it, they pretty much just threw the rules into the crapper.

If it breathed/had a pulse, they found a way to ‘qualify’ it.  If some people realized the loan salesmen were resorting to questionable methods to get them qualified and they balked at it, sometimes their signatures ended up on loan paperwork they never signed.

This I know.

Some bank/mortgage company employees fought the fraud, were forced out. Sadly, some gave in to the attitudes and pressures that came from the top, and joined in. By the 90s and 2000s, some of those cavers were in management positions.  Little wonder things got so bad then.

This I know.

About those property ‘values’:

When just about every pair of hands shuffling transaction paperwork gets paid by commission, and don’t forget: GREED IS GOOD! what incentive is there to accept fair and accurate appraisals?

The appraisers who wanted to work did what they were pressured to do.  And everybody got bigger checks. Well, everybody except the people paying the loan payments. Their incomes did not keep pace. And property values still kept going up up up

Something’s real value is what someone will pay for it. That got perverted. The consumer was faced with housing prices strapped to rocket boosters by commission hungry agents, loan officer, mortgage bankers. Too many consumers figured ‘bite the bullet and buy now or never be able to get a toe in the door of a home of their own’. Besides, due to the artificially inflated housing values, rents were going through the roof too. Might as well buy the damned house!

Let’s not forget, loan SALESMEN

Loan officers were often still fudging the paperwork. S.O.P in too many places. Just plain required practice in some. Go along to get along or get out. So more and more people were (questionably)  ‘qualifying’ for loans on properties that had ever inflated artificial values.  ‘Well, the last 6 homes in this area sold for…..‘  is meaningless when THOSE prices were artificially inflated by an industry paid on percentages of sales prices.

People figured the ‘experts’, the ‘professionals’, must know what they are talking about. ‘Hells bells, Martha! We can buy this house at $XYZ and sell it in five or ten years when it TRIPLE S in value! Sure the mortgage will be a struggle, at first, but hey the economy is doing great so we are bound to get some real raises soon! Trickle down is bound to kick in any minute! Let’s sign the damned papers now before the price goes up again!‘ Of course, corporate America was outsourcing jobs and paying Americans less all the time while workers were hoping things were gonna trickle down into their own pockets any time now.

Yep, those were heady days.  America, and bank regulators in particular, didn’t seem to register the warning bells the S&L failures rang. Nope, the warnings went unheeded. People popped Prozac just to maintain the proper attitude in the workplace, and stay employed as job security disappeared and the water rose to their noses. Commenting on reality was the sort of thing that would get you harassed to the breaking point if not outright fired. Just look at what happened to the whistle-blower who used to work at the next desk. Pop the reality blocker  Rx and keep that smile on your face, lest the boss notice you think too.  One (attitude) for all, and all (security) for One (guy at the top).

Sign the papers, before the price goes up! Don’t worry, we can ‘adjust’ some numbers and get you ‘qualified’. Be a team player. Be positive. Or be the guy who lives in a cardboard box and rants at everyone.

These words I have heard. Family and friends in various aspects of ‘the industry’ heard these words.  People I know heard and objected. They got out or thrown out for having morals, integrity, limits.   Yes, I have sat in offices, watching, listening. I have poured coffee as hearts got poured out at my kitchen table.

This I know to be true. To this, I bear witness.

Otherwise known as WWJS (Who Would Jesus Scam)

Early 80s. Moral Majority taking financial flight. And buying political influence too. The flag was off the flagpole and run up a cross. Too many saluted.

The Way to HUDdle together and create riches for some shady ‘church’ enterprises.

Some (not sayin ‘all’ but not not sayin it either) “The Way” groups(?) congregations(?) patsies(?) had a practice of having young couples, just starting out in life, apply for HUD housing loan programs. HUD was a worthy effort, by the federal government, to get more people into the front door of home ownership.   The program did fall victim to abuse and fraud by commission paid loan salesmen, mentioned earlier, but lets forget about them for this chapter, and focus on people who probably did qualify for HUD loans, by the skin of their teeth perhaps, but usually legitimately.

Church or cult? You decide. I know where I stand on issue.

The Way often encouraged many young couples to get HUD backed mortgage loans. How helpful of them. They often did more than encourage. They guided, tutored, and pressured. True, the ‘followers’ didn’t have to follow. They could have used that free will their god gave them. But, peer pressure is a hard current to swim against and too many don’t manage it. Besides, ‘spiritual authorities were telling some that JEEEESUS wanted them to do this so they could help HIS ministry. Soul saving as motive for entering into fraud. Surely, God’s orders to spread The Word trumps the laws of men! Never mind that ‘render unto Caesar’  stuff; we’re talking raising capital to fund spreading the gospel and saving souls!

What a great bunch of spiritual authorities The Way had a way with. Perhaps you know of similar groups. Surely there were more than just the one I personally observed people being scammed.

Parishioners/believers would get the HUD loans. The feds required that they would be living in the homes they got via help from the program. The applicants had to sign papers indicating that they knew, and understood, that requirement and that they were going to be the occupants of said properties.

Yep, their necks were on the block, in the noose, not any church/cult financiers’. Nod nod, yes, we will be the occupants. Yes we understand any other use of the property we are buying via this program constitutes fraud against the US government.

And then? Then, THE WAY had the young couples move into larger houses, with other young couples who also signed the same kinds of papers. Why, they had themselves communal living arrangements!  Actually, this is probably a more natural human arrangement, but also violated some federal laws they all just signed papers saying they knew about, understood, and agreed to.

Ah, so we now have empty houses? Sorry, no. The houses, purchased by individuals via HUD backed loans, got rented out. A strict violation of the law. THE WAY got the money and the home ‘owners’ got the liability. The loan salesmen got the commissions, their employers got to package and sell the federally guaranteed loans, and probably got some higher prices for their own stocks too.

The taxpayers? Well, loans go bad sometimes. The investors? Well investments in loans go bad sometimes. The young couples? Well, prosecution happens sometimes. And it’s those whose signatures are on the papers who get hit the hardest.

This I have seen. This I know.

Praise the lord and pass the loot. Capitalism as religion is really a hoot!

Trust me, the fat cats in all parts of the industry learned a lot from what they got away with. And they passed down the culture of corruption, honed it to art, expanded it to inventions like derivatives (don’t ask, I don’t get it either).

The fat cats bought a lot of politicians with some of the money they made. They hired a lot of lobbyists to ride herd on those bought and paid for congresswhores.  Some lobbyists  actually did/do congresswhores’ work for them by writing actual legislation and the loosened regulations fat cats wanted enacted to keep their ever-expanding forays into criminal activity made legal.

Meanwhile, on American streets, on American campuses, the people who are calling foul on how the whole damned system snowballed into hell  are  being gassed by the departments they pay to serve and protect them; the departments that have been bought out by the Hoarder Class to protect the immoral status quo.

The whistle blowers get punished again and again and again. But more people are hearing them.  Time to protect them and back them up in the demands for simple economic justice on a level playing field.

Small town justice/ Good ol boys enabling bad ol behaviors?

Playfully swipe someone’s ca-boy hat and find yourself under arrest and being driven over 80 miles to the nearest jail that Goodolboyistan  has a contract with for housing the occasional arrestee (Yes, Virginia, there are counties that don’t have their own jails!).  Find yourself accused of rape by a church goin’ young woman whose momma had the sense to get pictures of the bruises left from two young men holding her down and a rape kit that shows violation, and go… well, we don’t know where for sure.  Attackers are going about their business, showing up at local celebrations and strutting their buckles on Main Street.  It has been reported that the victim is being pressured to recant.


Hey, if there was not some pretty convincing evidence of sexual assault, would there really be a need to pressure victim to drop charges? What up wit dat?

Guess having a hat stolen  is something some good ol boys can see themselves being victims of? THAT is a crime that has to be dealt with swiftly, firmly, and to the fullest extent of the temper of a sheriff who often proves his judgment  is questionable*.  The arrest after that incident resulted in a law suit being filed. See, the law enforcement (cough cough wheeze) boss cop who ran that dangerous hat stealin’ somabitch to the hoosegow failed to fill out any of the paperwork required to accompany anyone being put in another county’s jail.  The receiving lock up facility refused, via several layers of command, to accept an undocumented prisoner, no matter how much foot stomping might ensue.  So, paperwork avoiding  good ol cop just opened the door and put the arrestee on the street of a town 80 odd miles from home.   Oh yeah, baby, get a lawyer! Seems you can’t just kidnap someone, drive them to another county and, in a fit of pique over them nasty-ass rules and regulations, toss that person out into terra incognito.   Who knew? A sheriff should have known. Don’t they have classes or something?

But having a buddy hold a young lady down to the point she has obviously been battered, and raping her, as attested to by positive kit results and exam, gets you…. enabled maybe?  Perp is still out and about. Victim? Reportedly being pressured by good ol cops to recant and drop charges.

Unfortunately for the victim, the guys doing the pressuring for her to drop the charge are also the same guys who have control over the evidence.  Note to self: do not, DO NOT ever turn all evidence of a crime over to the local uniforms. Go directly to the agency that deals with problems when citizens cannot get proper cooperation from local law enforcement. Yes, the state damned well knows some small town law enforcement departments are sometimes given to picking and choosing what gets handled aggressively and what gets not so well handled and they have an app for that.
One hopes the department’s officers, all both of them, will stop pressuring the victim and start looking to upholding the laws. Oh, to be sure, they are probably getting plenty of pressure from kith and kin who do not want to see a young man’s unpromising future detoured by a stint in the big house where he would likely be on the receiving end of that which he seems to be OK with dishing out. One supposes there is also pressure on them to sweep it all under the rug, lest the community suffer the horrors of having a  local end up on the registry of sexual offenders. That is one of those official records that  ends up on the internet. People might find out there are the same sorts of problems in small towns as in big cities! It might prevent companies like IBM or Transcontinental Mega Widgets from opening some monster big manufacturing plant here! Why if word got out there was a sex offender here, life might go on like it always has!

This is not the first time this particular thinks-he’s-a-rodeo-star young man  has assaulted a woman. The last time, the victim, whose door was kicked in,  reportedly was successful in fighting the small assailant off. Being a non-native to the area, and she just gave up trying to get justice and left town. The evidence against the attacker was so overwhelmingly obvious that the local JP did sentence him to a couple of months of having to stay out of the bars he only recently got old enough to buy beer from.  The young man spent the time ‘driving angry’ around and around and around town.

Attacker seems to have learned a couple of things from that previous experience. He learned he gets away with attacking women.  He also learned he is not big enough nor strong enough to force a woman to submit to assault without help.  Too bad some other young man was foolish enough to lend a hand and sit on the latest victim after helping take her down.

If  this aggressive and dangerous man gets away with another slap on the wrist, what might he be emboldened to try next in his attempts to show he is all grown up?

This is not the first time a rape around here got met with  law enforcement  behavior deliberately aimed to let boys be boys and get away with the worst some boys will do. Different years, different staff, same good ol enabling.

Wondering what it takes before fathers of daughters, brothers of sisters, husbands of wives get together and realize being female means less protection that being a goddamn hat and maybe there is something not quite right about that uneven justice.

*Ask me about the time  boss lawman  put his Glock to the head of a skinny nekkid guy he already had on the ground and who was cooperating fully. It was pretty obvious the skinny, nekkid guy was not carrying a weapon on his skinny, nekkid person

For those who don’t know, the Glock does not have a safety, so that was an extremely dangerous situation where a hot-headed bubba-wit-a-badge could have accidentally killed the fully subdued,  fully exposed, mentally unbalanced  guy half his size.